Post by Jen on Apr 26, 2009 21:44:17 GMT -5
Harley tried to focus on the novel she had in front of her after her plane had reached cruising altitude, but found it impossible. She leaned her head back against the seat but was too restless to try to sleep. She opened her book again, read the first sentence twenty times and gave up, tapping her fingers nervously against the arm rest, eliciting curious looks from the older woman seated beside her.
“Business or pleasure?” she asked and Harley looked up at her.
“Excuse me?”
“Are you going to Miami for business or pleasure?” the woman asked again.
“Oh. Um, I’m going to visit some friends. I used to live there,” Harley finally answered with a smile.
“Oh, that’s nice,” the woman returned the smile.
“You?”
“I’m going home. I was here visiting my son. He and his wife just had their first child- my first grandchild – so I was up here for a few weeks,” she answered.
“Aww, congratulations, that’s great. Boy or girl?” Harley asked.
“A boy, Samuel David. Named after his grandfather, my son’s father,” she explained, pulling out a picture to show Harley.
“He’s beautiful,” she complimented. “Is that your husband? Samuel, the first?” Harley asked pointing to the older man in the picture standing next to her.
“Oh, no. That is my husband, but not Samuel. That’s Dean, my second husband, Sam died about five years ago,” the woman explained.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Harley said. “How long have you been with Dean, if you don’t mind me asking.”
“We were married a little over two years ago. We met about a year after my husband died and got married two years later.”
Harley nodded slightly and thought a moment before responding. “Was it hard for you to move on? Marry someone else?”
“It was hard at first, but by the time we were married, it wasn’t so hard.”
“I’m sorry for asking all these questions, it’s just…I’m kind of going through that right now myself. My husband died two years ago. Tomorrow, actually. That’s why I’m going to Miami. It’s where he’s buried,” Harley explained.
“Oh my. I’m so sorry,” the woman responded, touching Harley’s arm lightly. “And you’re having trouble moving on?”
Harley shrugged. “At first, I couldn’t imagine ever being with another man. And then…”
“You met someone?” the woman guessed and Harley nodded.
“Earlier this year. And it started out casual, we didn’t even go out on a date until we knew each other a few months and when we did start dating, we took things slow. He knew about Mallet, my husband, and things were so good.”
“But? It doesn’t sound like things are so good now, the way you’re talking.”
“Lately, I’ve just been feeling…guilty, I guess. Like I’m betraying Mallet.”
“For being with another man?”
“For falling in love with another man,” Harley clarified sheepishly and the woman smiled knowingly.
“And you loving this other man…”
“Gus.”
“You loving Gus, does it make you love Mallet any less?” she asked and Harley shook her head.
“The fact of the matter is, your husband isn’t coming back and you have to move on with your life. It’s what he would want if he loved you. Loving someone else doesn’t decrease your love for Mallet. It…changes, definitely. That passion for each other and hope for the future turns into memories of the time you shared and how he made you feel. How he changed your life. Believe me, there’s plenty of room in our hearts. There’s nothing wrong with bringing more love into your life.”
“That’s how I feel sometimes, but other times, I just…I guess I’m thinking about it too much. Not just going with my feelings.”
“You said Gus knows about Mallet? He understands?”
“Yes, he’s been wonderful. So patient. But, I think I may have messed things up with him. I haven’t been upfront with all these feelings I’ve been having lately.”
“About Mallet? Or about him?”
“Both. I love him, I have for awhile, but I’ve never told him. I guess I felt like saying it out loud would be the ultimate betrayal.”
“You just said it out loud to me. And the Earth is still revolving. You should tell him.”
Harley nodded, “If he’ll ever give me the time of day again, I should. I will. I have to, because I do love him and I don’t want to lose him.”
“If he’s as wonderful as it seems, he would understand if you told him how you feel about Mallet.”
“I know,” Harley nodded and they were both silent for a few moments. “Wow, this is serious discussion for thirty-thousand feet,” she teased. “I’m so sorry for talking your ear off about all of this, but no one else seems to understand.”
“It’s not a problem, and I do understand. And I don’t mind the discussion at all, I hate to fly, so it’s a good distraction.”
“Usually I’m looking for a distraction from thinking about it.”
“It will get easier, I promise,” the woman assured her before changing the subject.
Harley quickly got into her pajamas and fell into bed. She had just gotten back to the hotel after having dinner with some old friends. It was a nice distraction for a few hours, but now she was alone with her thoughts and all she wanted to do was fall into a hopefully dreamless sleep. She wanted to call Gus, but knew it would be best to do what she needed to do in Miami before she could work on that relationship.
In the dark, she buried herself under the covers and tried to fall asleep. She tossed and turned for awhile before she rolled over and grabbed the phone from the nightstand and punched in the familiar numbers.
“Meals on Wheels,” a distracted voice answered.
“Daddy?”
“Hey kid. Hold on a second, Frank just left, I’ll go catch him,” Buzz replied.
“No! Wait,” Harley called.
“What?”
“I don’t want to talk to Frank. I mean, I will. I’ll call him tomorrow, but I just wanted to talk to you right now,’ she explained.
“Okay. How are you doing?” he asked, concerned.
“I’m in Miami.”
“Oh. Did we know you were going to Miami?” he asked.
“No. It was kind of an impulsive move.”
“Are you by yourself? Are you okay?”
“I don’t know...I mean, yes, I’m by myself,” she answered. “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want you to tell Frank, okay? I need to be the one to tell him, but not yet.”
“Alright. I’m intrigued…”
“I’ve been seeing someone,” Harley said.
“Like a therapist?” Buzz asked cautiously.
“No, Daddy, a man. I…I have a boyfriend. Wow, that sounds weird,” she exhaled.
“Oh. Well that’s great. Isn’t it?”
“It was great, but lately I’ve been having trouble dealing with my feelings about him. Long story short, I’ve been an idiot and we had a huge fight last night that ended with him walking out.”
“He walked out on you on your wedding anniversary?”
“He didn’t know what day it was. He doesn’t know what tomorrow is, but he does know about Mallet,” she explained. “I love him, Daddy. And lately I’ve been feeling like I’m cheating on Mallet.”
“Oh, Harley. I know how much you loved Mallet , but you never got the closure you need to really move on with your life. You have to get that, whatever it takes or you’ll never be happy. And if Mallet could, he would tell you to stop crying, put some flowers on his damn grave and go home and live your life. The life you deserve, because besides your family there is no one who would want you to be happy more than Mallet. Though maybe we can add this guy to the list too. Does he love you too?”
“Yeah, I think he does. Or he did before I went silent on him. I didn’t even tell him I was leaving town. He came in this morning to apologize and talk and I just blew him off. I wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”
“Look, I don’t know this guy, but I know you. He must be a good guy or you wouldn’t care so much about him, so I’m sure he would understand if you were just honest with him.”
“Yeah, that’s what everyone says,” Harley sighed. “I talked to this woman on the plane, she went through the same thing. That helped me figure some stuff out. I know you and Frank and Shannon all mean well but you just can’t understand what I’m going through. I don’t even understand it most of the time.”
“You’ll be okay, I know you will.”
“Thanks Dad. Sorry to call so late, I’m probably keeping you from closing up.”
“You can call me anytime. No matter what I’m doing,” he assured her.
“I know,” she smiled. “I should go, it’s been a long few days, I should try to get some sleep. I’m not sure what I’m going to do tomorrow, but I’ll call Frank so he doesn’t worry.”
“Don’t worry about Frank. Do what you need to do, I’ll tell him I talked to you and you’re okay and you’ll call him when you can.”
“Thanks Dad. I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I love you,” she said, preparing to hang up.
“Hey Harley,” Buzz’s voice called her attention back. “What’s this guy’s name?”
“Gus,” she answered.
“Like the mouse in Cinderella?” Buzz asked and she laughed.
“Yeah. Believe me, I’ve teased him about that already,” she replied and Buzz smiled on the other end of the line, happy to hear her laugh.
“You’ll be okay, kid. I promise.”
“Bye Daddy,” she said before they finally hung up.
“Where to?” the driver asked when Harley climbed into the cab in front of her hotel the next morning.
“Memorial Sunset Park on 178th, please,” she replied and sat back in the seat.
“I’m sorry,” he said, lowering his eyes. “Family member?”
“My husband,” she answered quietly and he didn’t say anymore the rest of the ride.
“Would you like me to wait for you?” he asked after he dropped her off.
“No thanks, I don’t know how long I’ll be,” she replied and he pulled away before she started down a path to Mallet’s grave.
She laid the flowers she brought in front of the tombstone and sat down on the ground before she ran her hand over the inscription on the stone.
“Sorry I haven’t been here in awhile. Things have been a little crazy since I moved to D.C.,” she began quietly. “Shannon and I opened a little restaurant downtown. It’s small, we just serve sandwiches and salads, things like that, but it’s doing really well. I have an apartment and I’ve made some really good friends…and I’m seeing someone. I met him at the restaurant. I think you would like him. He’s an FBI agent from Chicago. And he is smart and funny and kind. Sometimes I think that it’s too soon for me to be with someone else and then I feel a little guilty about Gus, that’s his name. Like I’m cheating on you or something, even though I know that you would want me to move on with my life and find someone who makes me happy. He does…he makes me really happy. He’s crazy, in a good way, he definitely makes life interesting. Lately, things have been getting really serious with us, and that’s part of the reason I came down here. Because I am falling in love with him…no, I am in love with him,” she corrected herself before continuing, “And I want to give him all of me, but I can’t do that until I let you go.
“I never got to say goodbye to you. We had that stupid fight about the garbage that morning and I never got the chance to tell you that I was sorry for making such a big deal out of something so stupid. I never got to see you roll your eyes at me and hold me and kiss me and tell me you didn’t take it personally. I should have been able to say goodbye,” she cried, tears flowing silently down her cheeks. “I need closure. I need to be able to accept what happened and move on. And I know this is silly, and I’m just talking to the weeds here, but it’s something I need to do. I love you, I always will, but it’s time for me to make a new life for myself, and I want Gus to be part of that life. So I came to say goodbye to you and tell you that no matter what happens with Gus, I love you, and I miss you and you will always be in my heart. And I know that you understand that and will be happy for me, wherever you are,” she finished and wiped a tear off of her cheek before she stood up and slid her hand across the top of the stone, then started back down the path to the entrance of the cemetery.
She took a shaky deep breath and went over to a payphone that was right outside the cemetery. She called the airline first, booking a return flight for that afternoon, then dialed Gus’s work number before she could chicken out.
“Aitoro,” he picked up and a smile immediately came to her face.
“Hi,” she said shyly.
“Harley, hi…”
“I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry for yesterday morning. And the night before and so many other things,” she sighed. “I’m coming home today, but could you come over tomorrow when you’re done at work so we can talk?”
“Shannon said you didn’t think you would be back for at least a few days,” he said in response.
“I wasn’t, but I changed my mind. Can you come over?” she asked again and he only hesitated a moment before he replied.
“Sure. I have to be at court in the morning, but I can come over when I’m done there. Will you be at the restaurant or at home?”
“Home.”
“Okay, I’ll be there,” he said and awkward silence followed. “I wish you would have told me,” he added quietly and took Harley off-guard before she figured out Shannon must have told him.
“I should have, I’m sorry. I…I don’t want to do this on the phone,” she said regrettably.
“I know. I’ll see you soon. Be careful,” he said and they hung up as Harley saw someone waving to her from the parking lot.
“I didn’t know if you would be here today,” Julie Camaletti said as she approached Harley and the two hugged.
“I needed to be,” Harley nodded. “How are you?”
“I’m doing pretty well. How are you? How is Washington?” Julie asked.
“It’s good. Things are going well,” Harley smiled.
“I’m glad. Tony would want you to be happy.”
“I know he would.”
“Are you done? Do you want to go grab lunch somewhere? I just wanted to put some flowers on the grave,” Julie said.
“Oh, um, I would love to, but I have to get going. My flight leaves in a few hours and I need to go back to my hotel and get my stuff,” Harley declined.
“Okay, next time?”
“Absolutely,” Harley smiled, “It’s good to see you, Julie.”
“You too. Take care of yourself,” Julie replied and they hugged again.
“Same with you,” Harley said before they started off in different directions.
Harley slowed to a jog as she rounded the corner to her apartment building late the next morning. As the building came into view she saw a familiar figure in a trench coat approaching the door and she called out Gus’s name as she picked up her speed to catch up with him.
He turned around at the sound of his name and waited for her. “Hi,” he greeted.
“Hi. Did you just get here? Sorry if you were waiting, I just couldn’t sit around anymore, so I went for a run. I told Gary to let you up if you got here before I got back…” she rambled, wringing her hands nervously and he reached out and stopped her with one of his hands.
“I just got here,” he assured her and motioned to the door, so she unlocked it and led him inside.
They waved to the doorman and headed to the elevator. It arrived immediately and the doors shut on them, leaving them in silence.
“So, good flight?” he asked cautiously.
“Uh. Sure,” she shrugged. “How was court? Were you testifying?”
“Yeah, it went well. I was afraid I’d have to sit around all day, but they got to me pretty quickly. So, I’m done as long as they don’t call me back.”
“Oh. Good,” she replied weakly as the elevator arrived at her floor and they got out. “I uh, thought I’d have time to shower and stuff before you got here,” she said as she unlocked her door and he followed her into her apartment.
“That’s okay.”
“Do you want something to drink?” she asked, stalling for time as she pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a gulp.
“No. I just want to know what the hell is going on,” he replied, exasperated, pulling on his tie to loosen it.
She put the cap back on her bottle and looked at him sheepishly. “I know. I’m sorry,” she said and came back from the kitchen to join him. “So, Shannon told you about yesterday?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I wouldn’t understand?”
“No, I knew you would. I just…I haven’t been dealing with things very well lately. In case you didn’t notice,” she added sarcastically.
“Well, I don’t know what that means,” he threw up his hands. “I don’t know what else I can do. I’ve given you space, I’ve never pushed you about our relationship. But now I’m wondering if I’m fighting for something I don’t even have. Is this…are we done?”
“No!” Harley replied. “I hope not. I don’t want us to be. Do you want us to be? I would understand if you did…”
“Of course not,” he assured her. “I wouldn’t be here if I did.”
“I know I’ve been really distant lately, and a lot of that has to do with Mallet. I never got to say goodbye to him. He was gone before I got to the hospital and everything happened so quickly…the past two years have just flown by and I never go closure from that. And things with us got serious so quickly and with our wedding anniversary and the day he died…it was just all too much at once. I know I have a lot of explaining to do and a lot to make up for, but I hope you let me. You are important to me, Gus. After Mallet died, my life has been…not great. I put up a brave front and everything, but mostly I was just keeping busy to keep myself from thinking about it. I wasn’t living my life, I was just trying to survive. But meeting you…you have made my life so much better. I just hope I haven’t made yours worse.”
“Harley, no. Is that really what you think?” he asked, incredulous, taking a step towards her.
“I know I’m been impossible lately, but-”
“No buts,” he interrupted, stopping her with a kiss. “You do not make my life worse. I didn’t even really have a life until I met you.”
“Gus…”
“Shh. I don’t want to hear anything else.”
“I just have one more thing I need to say. And then I promise I won’t talk anymore.”
“Okay.”
“I am in love with you,” she said, exhaling in relief that it was out.
Gus’s mouth fell open and he stared at her. “What?” he asked quietly.
Harley bit her bottom lip and shook her head wordlessly.
“You can talk. Please,” he said, taking her face in his hands.
“You heard me,” she smiled. “Gus, I love you. I know I haven’t given you any reason to believe that lately, but I will do whatever it takes to show you how much you mean to me.”
He pushed a wayward strand of hair behind her ear and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “You just did,” he replied. “I’m in love with you too.”
“You don’t have to say it just because I did…”
“I’m not. Harley, I’ve been in love with you for…god, it seems like since the day I met you. I’ve almost said it so many times, but I didn’t want to rush you. I still don’t.”
“You’re not. I’m ready to say it, I’m ready to feel it. It took me awhile, I know, but that’s what going to Miami was about. I’m ready to give you all of me, but I couldn’t do that until I got some closure about Mallet. The past few weeks…when I started realizing how strong my feelings for you were, I was scared. I had this dream, it started with just you and me, hanging out, nothing special. Then there was someone at the door and when I opened it, it was Mallet. He was alive and back and wanted to be with me. And you were there and I had to choose,” she explained, stopping to take a deep breath before she continued. “I felt like I was betraying Mallet by being with you, even though I know he would want me to move on and be happy. I couldn’t choose between you.”
“You don’t have to choose, I never meant to make you think that you had to,” Gus interrupted.
“You didn’t. This was all in my head. I know that it’s not about loving you more or loving him less, it is what it is. I will always love Mallet, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you, I want you to know that.”
“I know,” he nodded.
“I want us, I want everything with you. I never thought I would ever fall in love again, but I did. You were completely unexpected, but you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I want you to know that.”
He pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. “So are you. Don’t ever doubt that, okay?” he said and she nodded against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry for everything,” she apologized and he pulled back to look at her.
“What did I say about that?” he teased and she grinned.
“I want you to keep a toothbrush here,” she said, suddenly, eliciting a curious look from him. “Last week, that scared the crap out of me, but not anymore. I want your toothbrush next to mine. I want you here with me as much as possible. I’ll clear out a drawer, half my closet, whatever. I’ll load the refrigerator with Mountain Dew. I’m going today to buy a dress for that gala, because I want to go with you.”
“Okay. Okay to all of that, except…the dress. You’re not buying a dress,” he said.
“I’m not?”
“Not today. I’m done with work, you don’t have class, and I have missed you. Neither of us is going anywhere today,” he informed her and placed his arms around her waist, guiding her backwards toward her bedroom.
“Ah…I guess the dress can wait until tomorrow,” she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Let me get a shower first,” she pleaded.
“You’re just going to get sweaty again,” he said.
“You sound pretty sure of yourself,” she teased and he proved his point by meeting her lips with his in a deep kiss.
“I told my father about us yesterday,” she told him as they moved to the bed.
“Can you not mention your father when we’re about to make love?” he groaned and she laughed against his lips as she unbuttoned his dress shirt and stripped it down his arms.
“I like the sound of that,” she said as he pulled her t-shirt over her head, her sports bra quickly following.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, pressing kisses against the curve of her neck. “I’ve never been in love before,” he said quietly against her skin.
“What?” she asked, pulling away from him to meet his eyes and he shook his head. “Then how do you know you’re in love with me?” she asked and he took her hand and kissed her palm before he placed it against his chest.
“Because I’ve never felt this way before. And nothing else could feel this good,” he replied and she smiled before she placed a sweet kiss against his lips.
“Welcome home, Harley,” he whispered as he laid her back on the bed gently.
“Business or pleasure?” she asked and Harley looked up at her.
“Excuse me?”
“Are you going to Miami for business or pleasure?” the woman asked again.
“Oh. Um, I’m going to visit some friends. I used to live there,” Harley finally answered with a smile.
“Oh, that’s nice,” the woman returned the smile.
“You?”
“I’m going home. I was here visiting my son. He and his wife just had their first child- my first grandchild – so I was up here for a few weeks,” she answered.
“Aww, congratulations, that’s great. Boy or girl?” Harley asked.
“A boy, Samuel David. Named after his grandfather, my son’s father,” she explained, pulling out a picture to show Harley.
“He’s beautiful,” she complimented. “Is that your husband? Samuel, the first?” Harley asked pointing to the older man in the picture standing next to her.
“Oh, no. That is my husband, but not Samuel. That’s Dean, my second husband, Sam died about five years ago,” the woman explained.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Harley said. “How long have you been with Dean, if you don’t mind me asking.”
“We were married a little over two years ago. We met about a year after my husband died and got married two years later.”
Harley nodded slightly and thought a moment before responding. “Was it hard for you to move on? Marry someone else?”
“It was hard at first, but by the time we were married, it wasn’t so hard.”
“I’m sorry for asking all these questions, it’s just…I’m kind of going through that right now myself. My husband died two years ago. Tomorrow, actually. That’s why I’m going to Miami. It’s where he’s buried,” Harley explained.
“Oh my. I’m so sorry,” the woman responded, touching Harley’s arm lightly. “And you’re having trouble moving on?”
Harley shrugged. “At first, I couldn’t imagine ever being with another man. And then…”
“You met someone?” the woman guessed and Harley nodded.
“Earlier this year. And it started out casual, we didn’t even go out on a date until we knew each other a few months and when we did start dating, we took things slow. He knew about Mallet, my husband, and things were so good.”
“But? It doesn’t sound like things are so good now, the way you’re talking.”
“Lately, I’ve just been feeling…guilty, I guess. Like I’m betraying Mallet.”
“For being with another man?”
“For falling in love with another man,” Harley clarified sheepishly and the woman smiled knowingly.
“And you loving this other man…”
“Gus.”
“You loving Gus, does it make you love Mallet any less?” she asked and Harley shook her head.
“The fact of the matter is, your husband isn’t coming back and you have to move on with your life. It’s what he would want if he loved you. Loving someone else doesn’t decrease your love for Mallet. It…changes, definitely. That passion for each other and hope for the future turns into memories of the time you shared and how he made you feel. How he changed your life. Believe me, there’s plenty of room in our hearts. There’s nothing wrong with bringing more love into your life.”
“That’s how I feel sometimes, but other times, I just…I guess I’m thinking about it too much. Not just going with my feelings.”
“You said Gus knows about Mallet? He understands?”
“Yes, he’s been wonderful. So patient. But, I think I may have messed things up with him. I haven’t been upfront with all these feelings I’ve been having lately.”
“About Mallet? Or about him?”
“Both. I love him, I have for awhile, but I’ve never told him. I guess I felt like saying it out loud would be the ultimate betrayal.”
“You just said it out loud to me. And the Earth is still revolving. You should tell him.”
Harley nodded, “If he’ll ever give me the time of day again, I should. I will. I have to, because I do love him and I don’t want to lose him.”
“If he’s as wonderful as it seems, he would understand if you told him how you feel about Mallet.”
“I know,” Harley nodded and they were both silent for a few moments. “Wow, this is serious discussion for thirty-thousand feet,” she teased. “I’m so sorry for talking your ear off about all of this, but no one else seems to understand.”
“It’s not a problem, and I do understand. And I don’t mind the discussion at all, I hate to fly, so it’s a good distraction.”
“Usually I’m looking for a distraction from thinking about it.”
“It will get easier, I promise,” the woman assured her before changing the subject.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Harley quickly got into her pajamas and fell into bed. She had just gotten back to the hotel after having dinner with some old friends. It was a nice distraction for a few hours, but now she was alone with her thoughts and all she wanted to do was fall into a hopefully dreamless sleep. She wanted to call Gus, but knew it would be best to do what she needed to do in Miami before she could work on that relationship.
In the dark, she buried herself under the covers and tried to fall asleep. She tossed and turned for awhile before she rolled over and grabbed the phone from the nightstand and punched in the familiar numbers.
“Meals on Wheels,” a distracted voice answered.
“Daddy?”
“Hey kid. Hold on a second, Frank just left, I’ll go catch him,” Buzz replied.
“No! Wait,” Harley called.
“What?”
“I don’t want to talk to Frank. I mean, I will. I’ll call him tomorrow, but I just wanted to talk to you right now,’ she explained.
“Okay. How are you doing?” he asked, concerned.
“I’m in Miami.”
“Oh. Did we know you were going to Miami?” he asked.
“No. It was kind of an impulsive move.”
“Are you by yourself? Are you okay?”
“I don’t know...I mean, yes, I’m by myself,” she answered. “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want you to tell Frank, okay? I need to be the one to tell him, but not yet.”
“Alright. I’m intrigued…”
“I’ve been seeing someone,” Harley said.
“Like a therapist?” Buzz asked cautiously.
“No, Daddy, a man. I…I have a boyfriend. Wow, that sounds weird,” she exhaled.
“Oh. Well that’s great. Isn’t it?”
“It was great, but lately I’ve been having trouble dealing with my feelings about him. Long story short, I’ve been an idiot and we had a huge fight last night that ended with him walking out.”
“He walked out on you on your wedding anniversary?”
“He didn’t know what day it was. He doesn’t know what tomorrow is, but he does know about Mallet,” she explained. “I love him, Daddy. And lately I’ve been feeling like I’m cheating on Mallet.”
“Oh, Harley. I know how much you loved Mallet , but you never got the closure you need to really move on with your life. You have to get that, whatever it takes or you’ll never be happy. And if Mallet could, he would tell you to stop crying, put some flowers on his damn grave and go home and live your life. The life you deserve, because besides your family there is no one who would want you to be happy more than Mallet. Though maybe we can add this guy to the list too. Does he love you too?”
“Yeah, I think he does. Or he did before I went silent on him. I didn’t even tell him I was leaving town. He came in this morning to apologize and talk and I just blew him off. I wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”
“Look, I don’t know this guy, but I know you. He must be a good guy or you wouldn’t care so much about him, so I’m sure he would understand if you were just honest with him.”
“Yeah, that’s what everyone says,” Harley sighed. “I talked to this woman on the plane, she went through the same thing. That helped me figure some stuff out. I know you and Frank and Shannon all mean well but you just can’t understand what I’m going through. I don’t even understand it most of the time.”
“You’ll be okay, I know you will.”
“Thanks Dad. Sorry to call so late, I’m probably keeping you from closing up.”
“You can call me anytime. No matter what I’m doing,” he assured her.
“I know,” she smiled. “I should go, it’s been a long few days, I should try to get some sleep. I’m not sure what I’m going to do tomorrow, but I’ll call Frank so he doesn’t worry.”
“Don’t worry about Frank. Do what you need to do, I’ll tell him I talked to you and you’re okay and you’ll call him when you can.”
“Thanks Dad. I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I love you,” she said, preparing to hang up.
“Hey Harley,” Buzz’s voice called her attention back. “What’s this guy’s name?”
“Gus,” she answered.
“Like the mouse in Cinderella?” Buzz asked and she laughed.
“Yeah. Believe me, I’ve teased him about that already,” she replied and Buzz smiled on the other end of the line, happy to hear her laugh.
“You’ll be okay, kid. I promise.”
“Bye Daddy,” she said before they finally hung up.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Where to?” the driver asked when Harley climbed into the cab in front of her hotel the next morning.
“Memorial Sunset Park on 178th, please,” she replied and sat back in the seat.
“I’m sorry,” he said, lowering his eyes. “Family member?”
“My husband,” she answered quietly and he didn’t say anymore the rest of the ride.
“Would you like me to wait for you?” he asked after he dropped her off.
“No thanks, I don’t know how long I’ll be,” she replied and he pulled away before she started down a path to Mallet’s grave.
She laid the flowers she brought in front of the tombstone and sat down on the ground before she ran her hand over the inscription on the stone.
Anthony Camaletti
Beloved Husband, Brother, Friend, and Hero
“Sorry I haven’t been here in awhile. Things have been a little crazy since I moved to D.C.,” she began quietly. “Shannon and I opened a little restaurant downtown. It’s small, we just serve sandwiches and salads, things like that, but it’s doing really well. I have an apartment and I’ve made some really good friends…and I’m seeing someone. I met him at the restaurant. I think you would like him. He’s an FBI agent from Chicago. And he is smart and funny and kind. Sometimes I think that it’s too soon for me to be with someone else and then I feel a little guilty about Gus, that’s his name. Like I’m cheating on you or something, even though I know that you would want me to move on with my life and find someone who makes me happy. He does…he makes me really happy. He’s crazy, in a good way, he definitely makes life interesting. Lately, things have been getting really serious with us, and that’s part of the reason I came down here. Because I am falling in love with him…no, I am in love with him,” she corrected herself before continuing, “And I want to give him all of me, but I can’t do that until I let you go.
“I never got to say goodbye to you. We had that stupid fight about the garbage that morning and I never got the chance to tell you that I was sorry for making such a big deal out of something so stupid. I never got to see you roll your eyes at me and hold me and kiss me and tell me you didn’t take it personally. I should have been able to say goodbye,” she cried, tears flowing silently down her cheeks. “I need closure. I need to be able to accept what happened and move on. And I know this is silly, and I’m just talking to the weeds here, but it’s something I need to do. I love you, I always will, but it’s time for me to make a new life for myself, and I want Gus to be part of that life. So I came to say goodbye to you and tell you that no matter what happens with Gus, I love you, and I miss you and you will always be in my heart. And I know that you understand that and will be happy for me, wherever you are,” she finished and wiped a tear off of her cheek before she stood up and slid her hand across the top of the stone, then started back down the path to the entrance of the cemetery.
She took a shaky deep breath and went over to a payphone that was right outside the cemetery. She called the airline first, booking a return flight for that afternoon, then dialed Gus’s work number before she could chicken out.
“Aitoro,” he picked up and a smile immediately came to her face.
“Hi,” she said shyly.
“Harley, hi…”
“I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry for yesterday morning. And the night before and so many other things,” she sighed. “I’m coming home today, but could you come over tomorrow when you’re done at work so we can talk?”
“Shannon said you didn’t think you would be back for at least a few days,” he said in response.
“I wasn’t, but I changed my mind. Can you come over?” she asked again and he only hesitated a moment before he replied.
“Sure. I have to be at court in the morning, but I can come over when I’m done there. Will you be at the restaurant or at home?”
“Home.”
“Okay, I’ll be there,” he said and awkward silence followed. “I wish you would have told me,” he added quietly and took Harley off-guard before she figured out Shannon must have told him.
“I should have, I’m sorry. I…I don’t want to do this on the phone,” she said regrettably.
“I know. I’ll see you soon. Be careful,” he said and they hung up as Harley saw someone waving to her from the parking lot.
“I didn’t know if you would be here today,” Julie Camaletti said as she approached Harley and the two hugged.
“I needed to be,” Harley nodded. “How are you?”
“I’m doing pretty well. How are you? How is Washington?” Julie asked.
“It’s good. Things are going well,” Harley smiled.
“I’m glad. Tony would want you to be happy.”
“I know he would.”
“Are you done? Do you want to go grab lunch somewhere? I just wanted to put some flowers on the grave,” Julie said.
“Oh, um, I would love to, but I have to get going. My flight leaves in a few hours and I need to go back to my hotel and get my stuff,” Harley declined.
“Okay, next time?”
“Absolutely,” Harley smiled, “It’s good to see you, Julie.”
“You too. Take care of yourself,” Julie replied and they hugged again.
“Same with you,” Harley said before they started off in different directions.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Harley slowed to a jog as she rounded the corner to her apartment building late the next morning. As the building came into view she saw a familiar figure in a trench coat approaching the door and she called out Gus’s name as she picked up her speed to catch up with him.
He turned around at the sound of his name and waited for her. “Hi,” he greeted.
“Hi. Did you just get here? Sorry if you were waiting, I just couldn’t sit around anymore, so I went for a run. I told Gary to let you up if you got here before I got back…” she rambled, wringing her hands nervously and he reached out and stopped her with one of his hands.
“I just got here,” he assured her and motioned to the door, so she unlocked it and led him inside.
They waved to the doorman and headed to the elevator. It arrived immediately and the doors shut on them, leaving them in silence.
“So, good flight?” he asked cautiously.
“Uh. Sure,” she shrugged. “How was court? Were you testifying?”
“Yeah, it went well. I was afraid I’d have to sit around all day, but they got to me pretty quickly. So, I’m done as long as they don’t call me back.”
“Oh. Good,” she replied weakly as the elevator arrived at her floor and they got out. “I uh, thought I’d have time to shower and stuff before you got here,” she said as she unlocked her door and he followed her into her apartment.
“That’s okay.”
“Do you want something to drink?” she asked, stalling for time as she pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a gulp.
“No. I just want to know what the hell is going on,” he replied, exasperated, pulling on his tie to loosen it.
She put the cap back on her bottle and looked at him sheepishly. “I know. I’m sorry,” she said and came back from the kitchen to join him. “So, Shannon told you about yesterday?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I wouldn’t understand?”
“No, I knew you would. I just…I haven’t been dealing with things very well lately. In case you didn’t notice,” she added sarcastically.
“Well, I don’t know what that means,” he threw up his hands. “I don’t know what else I can do. I’ve given you space, I’ve never pushed you about our relationship. But now I’m wondering if I’m fighting for something I don’t even have. Is this…are we done?”
“No!” Harley replied. “I hope not. I don’t want us to be. Do you want us to be? I would understand if you did…”
“Of course not,” he assured her. “I wouldn’t be here if I did.”
“I know I’ve been really distant lately, and a lot of that has to do with Mallet. I never got to say goodbye to him. He was gone before I got to the hospital and everything happened so quickly…the past two years have just flown by and I never go closure from that. And things with us got serious so quickly and with our wedding anniversary and the day he died…it was just all too much at once. I know I have a lot of explaining to do and a lot to make up for, but I hope you let me. You are important to me, Gus. After Mallet died, my life has been…not great. I put up a brave front and everything, but mostly I was just keeping busy to keep myself from thinking about it. I wasn’t living my life, I was just trying to survive. But meeting you…you have made my life so much better. I just hope I haven’t made yours worse.”
“Harley, no. Is that really what you think?” he asked, incredulous, taking a step towards her.
“I know I’m been impossible lately, but-”
“No buts,” he interrupted, stopping her with a kiss. “You do not make my life worse. I didn’t even really have a life until I met you.”
“Gus…”
“Shh. I don’t want to hear anything else.”
“I just have one more thing I need to say. And then I promise I won’t talk anymore.”
“Okay.”
“I am in love with you,” she said, exhaling in relief that it was out.
Gus’s mouth fell open and he stared at her. “What?” he asked quietly.
Harley bit her bottom lip and shook her head wordlessly.
“You can talk. Please,” he said, taking her face in his hands.
“You heard me,” she smiled. “Gus, I love you. I know I haven’t given you any reason to believe that lately, but I will do whatever it takes to show you how much you mean to me.”
He pushed a wayward strand of hair behind her ear and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “You just did,” he replied. “I’m in love with you too.”
“You don’t have to say it just because I did…”
“I’m not. Harley, I’ve been in love with you for…god, it seems like since the day I met you. I’ve almost said it so many times, but I didn’t want to rush you. I still don’t.”
“You’re not. I’m ready to say it, I’m ready to feel it. It took me awhile, I know, but that’s what going to Miami was about. I’m ready to give you all of me, but I couldn’t do that until I got some closure about Mallet. The past few weeks…when I started realizing how strong my feelings for you were, I was scared. I had this dream, it started with just you and me, hanging out, nothing special. Then there was someone at the door and when I opened it, it was Mallet. He was alive and back and wanted to be with me. And you were there and I had to choose,” she explained, stopping to take a deep breath before she continued. “I felt like I was betraying Mallet by being with you, even though I know he would want me to move on and be happy. I couldn’t choose between you.”
“You don’t have to choose, I never meant to make you think that you had to,” Gus interrupted.
“You didn’t. This was all in my head. I know that it’s not about loving you more or loving him less, it is what it is. I will always love Mallet, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you, I want you to know that.”
“I know,” he nodded.
“I want us, I want everything with you. I never thought I would ever fall in love again, but I did. You were completely unexpected, but you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I want you to know that.”
He pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. “So are you. Don’t ever doubt that, okay?” he said and she nodded against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry for everything,” she apologized and he pulled back to look at her.
“What did I say about that?” he teased and she grinned.
“I want you to keep a toothbrush here,” she said, suddenly, eliciting a curious look from him. “Last week, that scared the crap out of me, but not anymore. I want your toothbrush next to mine. I want you here with me as much as possible. I’ll clear out a drawer, half my closet, whatever. I’ll load the refrigerator with Mountain Dew. I’m going today to buy a dress for that gala, because I want to go with you.”
“Okay. Okay to all of that, except…the dress. You’re not buying a dress,” he said.
“I’m not?”
“Not today. I’m done with work, you don’t have class, and I have missed you. Neither of us is going anywhere today,” he informed her and placed his arms around her waist, guiding her backwards toward her bedroom.
“Ah…I guess the dress can wait until tomorrow,” she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Let me get a shower first,” she pleaded.
“You’re just going to get sweaty again,” he said.
“You sound pretty sure of yourself,” she teased and he proved his point by meeting her lips with his in a deep kiss.
“I told my father about us yesterday,” she told him as they moved to the bed.
“Can you not mention your father when we’re about to make love?” he groaned and she laughed against his lips as she unbuttoned his dress shirt and stripped it down his arms.
“I like the sound of that,” she said as he pulled her t-shirt over her head, her sports bra quickly following.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, pressing kisses against the curve of her neck. “I’ve never been in love before,” he said quietly against her skin.
“What?” she asked, pulling away from him to meet his eyes and he shook his head. “Then how do you know you’re in love with me?” she asked and he took her hand and kissed her palm before he placed it against his chest.
“Because I’ve never felt this way before. And nothing else could feel this good,” he replied and she smiled before she placed a sweet kiss against his lips.
“Welcome home, Harley,” he whispered as he laid her back on the bed gently.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The End.